He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Idk if I want to put a bra on
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
