The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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