Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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