when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
