I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
