Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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