Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
