What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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