He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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