there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
