It was confusing and full of hummus
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
