So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
