Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize