So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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