Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
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