Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you traded sex for a burrito?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
