the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
