what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
