At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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