listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
