Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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