I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
