Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
