what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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