your thong is hanging out like whoa
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
