I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
