How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
