My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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