i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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