Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
3 2 1 whiskey
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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