Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize