I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
