If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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