We're like a lot better than the average bears
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Randomize