You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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