Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
