He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
