Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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