Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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