in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
