I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize