Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
that may or may not have been my penis.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
