I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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