Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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