I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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