So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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