i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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