the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
