I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
