If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
