youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
