so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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