and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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