I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize