Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
