Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
