I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
