i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
