My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
