I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
