toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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