I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize