I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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