DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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