he puts the penis in happiness.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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