I want to have your abortion
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
