just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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