I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize