can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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