why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
