ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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