they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
