so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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