i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
